99 Ways to Open a Beer Bottle

99 Ways to Open a Beer Bottle Without a Bottle Opener

We’ve all been there and know how frustrating it is to have that cold, frosty, thirst-quenching beer in hand and suddenly realize that you can’t open it. We cannot always “be prepared” like a Boy Scout, but with this handy “how-to” reference guide, your problems will be solved. You will be able to accomplish this simple task no matter what environment you find yourself in. This manual has examples for a variety of common situations and circumstances that you many encounter. They include:

Home
On the Street
Office
Tool Box
Sporting Goods

In Womens’ Pocketbooks
In Your Pockets
Last Resort
Transportation

As you use and apply this information, you will soon realize the variants possible and come up with your own solutions. Let’s face it, all you’re doing is prying a round piece of metal off a round piece of glass. To accompany each example, I have instituted a skill-rating system. After the instructions, there is a beer bottle system for degrees of difficulty.


EASY	MEDIUM	HARD

Fire Hydrant

1. Follow arrow on top, “Open”
2. Place cap in recess between screw and nut
3. Press down
4. Drink

Police Car

1. Make sure nobody is in the car
?2. Place cap in trunk lid?
3. Press down
4. Drink
?5. Don’t get caught

Toilet

1. Place cap in between valve and pipe?
2. Press down?
3. Drink

Pool Bridge
1. Hold bridge near the end?
2. Place cap in opening?
3. Press down?
4. Don’t spill any on the table
?5. Drink

Newspaper Vending Machine
1. Pretend to read headlines
?2. Place cap in coin return
?3. Press down
4. Drink

Computer

1. Place cap in hard drive slot
?2. Pry off carefully?
3. Drink?
4. Play some more computer games

note: this will probably scratch your computer, but it will open your beer

Roller Blades
1. Place cap in between shoe and blade?
2. Pry off?
3. Drink

Belt Buckle

1. Undo buckle (don’t let pants fall)?
2. Adjust buckle accordingly?
3. Pry off
?4. Drink?
5. Don’t forget to buckle up

Ski Binding

1. Ski all day?
2. Go to lodge?
3. Lean ski against wall?
4. Place beer in toe binding?
5. Press down
?6. Drink

Teeth

1. Must be totally desperate?
2. Place cap inside mouth
?3. Bite off (be careful*)
?4. Drink and enjoy
*Remember kids, don’t try this at home!

I wish you luck and happy beer drinking. Always remember: NEVER DRINK FROM THE BOTTLE IF YOU BREAK THE GLASS!

Published by:

2010 – 41,000 + copies sold worldwide

* Crown Publishing (US)
* Eichborn AG (Germany)
* Bookman Press (Australia)